Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Free Association Futureism

I need to write a new blog post. I thought I'd start with some free association thoughts and reflections on the random things I think will happen.

Why should you care what I think? Well, you probably shouldn't. But I do pretty well at this futurism shit. I predicted the economic crash, the housing bubble, Obama's quick approval collapse followed by his slow climb up the ladder, the Nintendo Wii's early dominance, and at one point, six consecutive NCAA national champions.

Of course, I also predicted Rick Perry would dominate the Republican debates. So...

Onto my predictions!

1. If things continue on their current trajectory, Romney will eke it out over Santorum, and Obama will eke it out over Romney.

2. Alternatively, Paul or another media figurine could decide that both parties are weak going into this election and stake a third party bid. If this happens, the elections are going to get messy quickly. This is probably the only way the election result becomes unpredictable, so it will probably happen.

3. Israel and Iran will continue their staring contest, but the next major global brouhaha will come from Pakistan and India. And it'll be the messiest international crisis since the Cold War ended.

4. Peak oil will happen and temporarily destroy the economy...but we'll rebuild it faster than people think. While the US is overreliant on oil, we also waste so much that we could conceivably cut consumption by a fifty percent without even affecting our lifestyle. For example, everyone who owns an SUV could go buy a more fuel efficient car, we could cut the nonstop orgy of business travel, we could stop buying products from halfway around the world and start buying local out of sheer necessity, etc.

5. In fact, peak oil in the long run may *help* the US economy by forcing people to go spend money on more fuel efficient living and buy local products. While this will devastate standard of living in the short term, it'll get people working again in a hurry to facilitate the transition.

6. The next scientific revolution will be biological. We've learned more about biology than anything else over the last ten years, and some of what we've discovered is enormous: the ability to map the genetic code quickly, full activity maps of the human brain (less than ten years ago, high school science taught us we'd *never* know how the brain worked).

7. We'll learn how to 'code' in genetics. DNA comes in two sets of allele pairs that contain the code for every living thing that exists. In a way, this is like 1s and 0s, the backbone of everything we use for computing. Computer science, then, will become a very simple port to biological systems.

8. As we learn how to 'program' in genetic code and better design and build biological structures, bio solutions will rapidly begin to replace manufactured solutions. This will become even more true as oil prices make it more difficult to move physical material around.

9. The energy crisis will be solved when scientists crack the code for photosynthesis. While solar panels have major efficiency limitations, plants seem pretty damn good at converting solar energy to more useful types. And solar has to be the ultimate winner in the renewable war: there's literally an unlimited supply of it (though, as with all other unlimited resources we've had as a species, we'll find a way to use it all eventually).

10. We'll soon be able to grow things that we need more efficiently than manufacture them. By combining genetic code from the millions of sources of life we have, we'll be able to make virtually every product we use today, and improved versions of many of them.

11. While this will start in 'eco-factories', eventually the technology will become portable, and the entire idea of shipping products will fall by the wayside. Instead, our products will be transported as seeds that contain the code for the products we need. Without the shipping and manufacturing costs, these seeds will become virtually free. Industry will, of course, attempt to put a price on them and control their distribution, but hackers and bootleggers will distribute them regardless, like torrents.

12. We'll make the jump to being able to modify our own genetic code as well. While this will have huge medical benefits, it will also be coopted to support enormous genetic modification industries, like plastic surgery and tattoo artists today. Some will use the genetic modifications to achieve a model standard of beauty (like plastic surgery), while others will use it to reject this standard and differentiate themselves from the mainstream crowd (like tattoos and ear gauges).

13. As we get more and more proficient, the types of modifications will become more and more extreme. What starts as skin pigmentation or eye and hair color change will become more and more exotic: horns, scales, fur become available modifications for the counter culture.

14. We'll learn to map the brain and become very knowledgeable in how different parts of the brain create different parts of our reality. Once we know how it works naturally, we'll be able to manipulate it as well. We'll learn to 'adjust' our own experience of the world.

15. This can be as simple as putting a 'skin' over it (like the way you can adapt your computer desktop's visual settings) or as complex as generating a virtual reality that we can escape to and experience as if it were real.

16. We'll use this to create both awesome video games and a new, intensely addictive type of drugs. Some people will spend their entire lives in either type of world, the way a WoW addict lives his life in his bedroom's virtual world or the way a drug addict lives entirely in his drug induced world, slowly modifying his body more and more until outsiders can barely recognize his humanity.

17. We'll also learn how to interface between our virtual, computer worlds and our biological worlds. We'll learn how to download the entirety of wikipedia to our memory banks. We'll be able to 'visit' Minecraft and walk around it as if we were actually there. We'll be able to text and tweet our thoughts directly from brain to brain without the computer interface. In this way, a human hive mind will be created.

18. As these changes evolve, the physical world will gradually become less and less important to more and more people.

19. A few traditionalists will insist on living entirely in the physical world and rejecting the new lifestyle. Nobody under 30 will understand them. Everybody over 30 will envy them.

20. As we learn to communicate directly brain to brain, we'll learn to distribute our art through thought waves as well. Initially, this will be free. But as always, record and film studios will become upset that they're missing out on a profit, and insist that unauthorized mind to mind transfers of copywrited material is a crime. They'll attempt to draft legislation that allows them to sue and jail people for unauthorized thoughts.

21. As always, everybody will ignore these laws and share anyway.

22. Terrorist attacks will become less focused on the physical form and more on this biological hive mind. They'll attempt to create viruses that infect people through their thoughts. An enormous security and defense industry will grow to protect against these types of viruses. Doomsday literature and anxiety will grow about these type of attacks, as they would be literal mutual assured destruction.

23. Just as with nuclear attacks, the suicidal nature of this type of attack will prevent it from happening. The worrying and angst over the possibility will cause more harm to humanity than the threat itself.

24. As we begin to manipulate perception, we'll also begin to manipulate perception of time. We'll be able to grow our experience of nanoseconds out as if they were full minutes or hours or years. As we find ourselves able to do that, we'll also be able to program inhabitable mental environments that take place in 'nanotime'. In this way, humanity will obtain a type of immortality: we'll live whole lifetimes in the seconds between our physical blinks.

25. Many will choose to die regardless.

26. We'll still spend the vast majority of our time thinking about cats in adorable poses.




If you're still reading, damn. Thanks for jumping down this rabbit hole with me. Will it come true? Who knows?

If nothing else, this is a pretty good fucking setup for a kick ass sci-fi novel.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Best Picture Predictions

Soundtrack provided by Wick-it the Instigator


Best Picture


The Artist
The Descendants
The Help
War Horse
Moneyball
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Midnight in Paris
Tree of Life
Hugo

So everything else has been snarky, but I feel like I've snarked each of these films as much as possible. Plus, the Oscars are actually coming up for realsies, so I want to do an actual break down of these films.

First, a caveat: I haven't seen The Descendants, The Help, War Horse, Moneyball, or Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. From all accounts, they are: beautiful, cloying, surprising, and exploitative, respectively. Of those, I feel bad about not seeing the Descendants. The Help and War Horse I'm fairly apathetic towards. Moneyball I feel like I should be apathetic towards, but I've heard enough good things to spark my curiosity. Extremely Loud I want to see for the same reason I slow down to look at a car accident on the side of the road. I know I shouldn't, but it's just too damn fascinating.

So let's count down the films I've seen.

Midnight in Paris

This was probably the most delightful film of the year. I walked out of the theater beaming, and every 1920s sequence was pitch perfect. Hemmingway was probably my favorite supporting character of the year. I'm not a 1920s aficionado nor a Francophile, but MiP made me think I could become both.

Ultimately, it's a bit light to outpull the other films on this list, but I don't know if I had a more uplifting experience in theaters this year.

Hugo

The Oscars went all in on 1920s Paris this year. Actually, all four of the best picture nominees that I've seen are nostalgia fests. In fact, the only films that take place in the modern world this year seem to involve the apocalypse (Melancholia, Take Shelter, Another Earth). America needs to cheer up, I think.

Nothing explains the existence of Kung Fu Panda 2 better than Hugo's box office returns, and I don't want to listen to anyone talk about how Hollywood has no original ideas ever again. A visual masterpiece, with a rich tapestry of interwoven stories and characters, amazing adventures, deep inner and outer conflict, and even a wonderful bit of cinematic history, I don't know how much more a single film can pack into a train station.

For a while I even considered Hugo for my favorite film of the year, though it did end up sinking a bit down the list when all was said and done.

The Artist

The Artist was my favorite 'accessible' film of the year and likely the Best Picture winner in the real world this year. I put quote around accessible, b/c how accessible really is a black and white silent film?

Well, it turns out very; I didn't know exactly what to expect when I went into The Artist, but crowdpleaser was certainly not high on the list. But what a crowd pleaser it was! I'm going to find it hard talking about this film without gushing; it was absolutely masterful in its execution, and Dujardin and Bejo oozed more charisma and zest in their performances than any film I've seen in years.

We've had far too much nostalgia here: time to get bitter.

Tree of Life

Ok, so I have to preface this by acknowledging that Tree of Life has no chance.

I know that, you know that, the Academy knows that, Terence Malick and Brad Pitt knows that. That being said, it's the only film on this list that will have long term staying power in cinematic history. It was a tour de force, the most ambitious vision I've seen attempted since Synechdoce, New York, and the most emotionally raw, honest, hyper charged film I've seen in a long, long time.

The degree of difficulty here can't be understated. Yes, The Artist had to sell a black and white silent film to a modern audience, but at least it's couched in a traditional narrative structure. Tree of Life is a philosophical riddle wrapped in a pastiche of disconnected scenes with nothing but the audience's imagination and work ethic to hold them together. It's demanding, mercurial, and maddening, willing to drop the story for 20 minutes to show a visually stunning montage of planets forming and dinosaurs. The story, btw, is set in 1950s rural Texas. This is not an easy leap for audiences to make.

At the end of the day, are there some flaws? Sure. I don't care. Nothing this year was even playing on the same field as Tree of Life in cinematic ambition and panache, and it is and will likely remain my favorite film from 2011.

Now, that being said, there's no fucking way Oscar will agree, so I'll settle for a well deserved nomination and cheer The Artist on.

Now on Sunday, when Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close wins, I'm going to print all of these posts out and set them on fire.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Oscars: The Stunning Conclusion

So I've let this dangle almost long enough for the Oscars to actually happen. Let's close it out with more arbitrary goodness, shall we?

Beats Antique is providing the soundtrack.

Directing

The Descendants
The Artist
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Tree of Life

Directing Oscars almost always are tied directly to the Best Picture nominees: it normally goes without saying that Best Picture will win Best Director as well. Well, I think that's bullshit. To say that the direction of a film and the overall quality of the film are exactly mirrored is to discount the contributions of literally thousands of other craftsmen. It's to suggest the writer, actors, editors, craftsmen, and producers contributed literally nothing to making the film happen.

I think that's bullshit. Yes, the director is ultimately responsible to pull all those disparate elements together into a coherent vision, but some films have legitimately more ingredients to work with than others.

I haven't seen The Descendants, but I imagine making George Clooney in Hawaii look good doesn't demand the absolute best from the film head, and anyway, I don't think anyone's suggesting this is Payne's best film.

Midnight in Paris is delightful, but Woody Allen is renowned for his minimalist directing style, and his films are made in the screenplay and acting performances, not in the somewhat workmanlike interpretation he brings to the screen (there, I said it).

Hugo is a masterpiece, and I'm tempted to give it to Scorsese for the excellent use of 3D alone. But this is a story that does not demand the absolute peak out of a director: Disney could have slapped this together, and it would have still been enjoyable, if not nearly as magical, as Scorsese's interpretation.

Tree of Life is a tour de force in some ways, but fundamentally flawed in others. No one but Malick could have brought this story to screen, and the force of his personality shines through. But this is for both better and worse; just ask Sean Penn (plus, who wins an Oscar without Sean Penn's blessing? Nobody; that's who!)

No, this category has to go to Michel Hazah!-navicius for The Artist: simply the most ambitious, risky, and flawlessly executed film of the year. Not only does it take balls to sell a silent film in the 21st century, it takes serious execution: a bad moment on screen, one poorly formulated concept or idea, and the whole spectacle falls apart into silly camp or, worse, pretentious bullshit. I went into this film expecting a cute gimmick and a nostalgia-fest; instead, I got one of the most masterfully executed visions I've seen this decade. This was an extraordinarily difficult film to sell, to create, to execute, and to perfect, and at no point does it even become a question.

There really was no contest here; Hazanavicius takes this category, and it wasn't close.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Berenice Bejo in The Artist
Jessica Chastain in The Help
Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer in Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer in the Help

Whew. That last category got serious. Fortunately, I’ve only seen one of these films, so I can be much more snarky here. In fact, I’m disqualifying the one I did see; Berenice Bejo did was more than support that film, and her placement here is unfair to the rest. Most reasonable heads seem to agree Jessica Chastain’s performance in The Help was her fourth best of THE YEAR, so that’s just nonsense to see her here. Janet McTeer is clearly in the wrong category; she’s obviously playing a man in this film. So we’re down to Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer, and hell. This is the Academy. You know they’re playing the race card.

Octavia Spencer it is.

Best Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh in My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill in Moneyball
Nick Nolte in Warrior
Christopher Plummer in Beginners
Max von Sydow in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I’m just going to go ahead and say the last three split the old man vote (granted, a substantial Academy demographic) three ways and knocks them all out. So this comes down to Kenneth Branagh and Jonah Hill. I didn’t see either of these movies, so I’m going to quote my firend Tristan’s reaction to this.

“Maybe the dog. He’s certainly better than Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill. Oscar Nominees. Sign of the Apocalypse.”

Sounds like a ringing endorsement to me! Plus, he put on all that weight for the role. Academy loves physical commitment to the performance.

Best Actress
Glenn Close in Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis in The Help
Rooney Mara in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams in My Week With Marilyn

Did anyone but the Academy see Albert Nobbs? Jesus, I’m running out of snarky cross dressing jokes. Let’s see…what else do we have here? Meryl Streep…yawn. Viola Davis, no we’ve made our affirmative action hire already. Michelle Williams. *swoon* Still, none of this holds up to Rooney Mara, if for no other reason than I never imagined we’d have an Oscar nominated performance that revolved heavily around a dildo rape scene. Sorry Michelle. If you had just convinced the biographer to put in a section about Marilyn Monroe tying down JFK in the Lincoln bedroom and tattooing “I’M A RAPIST” across his chest, I’d have been all over it. Plus, history class would have been more interesting. Double points.

Actor in a Leading Role

Demian Bichir in A Better Life
George Clooney in The Descendants
Jean Dujardin in The Artist
Gary Oldman in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt in Moneyball

Funny to see Dujardin here. I didn’t remember him having any memorable lines. Clooney and Pitt have to split the heart throb vote here. Oldman or Bichir? As usual, I haven’t seen either of these films. IMDB tells me Bichir played Castro in Che. Communist. This is America!

Gary Oldman wins with the patriotism vote…for his role as an Englishman. And I guess he’s English too. So…I don’t know, don’t ask questions. AMERICA!

I know I said this was the last one, but I’m tired of snark. Tune in next week for the final Best Picture reveal, in which I find witty things to say about all 4,381 nominations.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Waking Life

As I imagine anyone pretentious enough to start a blog (which is to say, everyone) feels, I spend much of my time contemplating the nature of what is real.

After all, why write if you don't have a thought on reality? Some writers wouldn't put it in quite those terms, but whether you're writing about cooking or cars or Socretes or finance, you are facing something expressible, something that you perceive not only as real, but in some way primary to your existence. Something that in the confused primordial sea of what we see and feel and hear and smell and taste on a daily basis that strikes us as somewhat MORE REAL than the rest; if not, what about that particular topic arrests us out of the literally millions of sensations demanding our attention?

I read a fascinating fact the other day: every minute, 8 hours of video is uploaded to youtube alone. Every day, eight years are added. It is literally impossible to watch everything: you would need 480 screens streaming simultaneously and updating to the newest content instantly to keep up. If nothing else tells us how much our reality is entirely designed of our own choosing, by what we SELECT to perceive, and more importantly, what we elect to ignore, this fact, the literal kaleidoscoping of time, drives the unfathomiblity of the universe into us like a spike into our frontal lobe.

Eleven years ago, Waking Life, in its own wandering, dreamlike way, gave us the most beautiful elucidation of our weird reality we could ask for. And, driving home the futility in trying to keep up, it has taken me eleven years to catch up and give it the viewing it deserved. This is unacceptable; I've watched The Secret and What the Fuck Do We Know, two films that attempt to sell this philosophy and reality paradigm shamelessly and blatantly, in this time. Where Waking Life ruminates and sheds light and asks questions, those films preach, paradoxically attempting to sell their concrete vision of reality that is based off the impossibility of certainty. And yet, somehow, those made it on my viewing queue before Waking Life. One of the characters in this film tells us "the message here is that we should never simply write ourselves off or see each other as a victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are." And in the spirit of this, I accept responsibility for making the choice to define my reality as one that includes The Secret and doesn't include Waking Life.

Until now. And in honor of this beautiful film, I present my favorite quotes from perhaps my favorite existential pondering.

****
****

They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn't you say the same thing about life?

The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams. Because if you can do that, you can do anything.

Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced, ever. So whatever you do, don't be bored. This is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting.

The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving.

It's bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free.

As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough.

This is where I think language came from. It came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another.

A single ego is an absurdly narrow vantage from which to view this experience. And where most consider their individual relationship to the universe, I contemplate relationships of my various selves to one another.

The function of the media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world, no. Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them.

There are two kinds of sufferers in this world: those who suffer from a lack of life and those who suffer from an overabundance of life.

I'm closer to the end of my life than I've ever been, I actually feel more than ever that I have all the time in the world.

The funny thing is our cells are completely regenerating every seven years. We've already become completely different people several times over, and yet we always remains quintessentially ourselves.

We are the authors of ourselves, coauthoring a giant Dostoyevsky novel starring clowns.

Lady Gregory turns to me and says, "Let me explain to you the nature of the universe. Now, Philip K Dick is right about time, but he's wrong that it's 50 AD. Actually, there's only one instant, and it's right now. And it's eternity. And it's an instant in which God is posing a question. And that question is, basically, do you want to, you know, be one with eternity? Do you want to be in heaven? And we're all saying, No, thank you. Not just yet."

If you can wake up, you should...because someday you won't be able to. So just, um-- But it's easy. Just--just...

Wake up.