Oscars: The Stunning Conclusion

So I've let this dangle almost long enough for the Oscars to actually happen. Let's close it out with more arbitrary goodness, shall we?

Beats Antique is providing the soundtrack.

Directing

The Descendants
The Artist
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Tree of Life

Directing Oscars almost always are tied directly to the Best Picture nominees: it normally goes without saying that Best Picture will win Best Director as well. Well, I think that's bullshit. To say that the direction of a film and the overall quality of the film are exactly mirrored is to discount the contributions of literally thousands of other craftsmen. It's to suggest the writer, actors, editors, craftsmen, and producers contributed literally nothing to making the film happen.

I think that's bullshit. Yes, the director is ultimately responsible to pull all those disparate elements together into a coherent vision, but some films have legitimately more ingredients to work with than others.

I haven't seen The Descendants, but I imagine making George Clooney in Hawaii look good doesn't demand the absolute best from the film head, and anyway, I don't think anyone's suggesting this is Payne's best film.

Midnight in Paris is delightful, but Woody Allen is renowned for his minimalist directing style, and his films are made in the screenplay and acting performances, not in the somewhat workmanlike interpretation he brings to the screen (there, I said it).

Hugo is a masterpiece, and I'm tempted to give it to Scorsese for the excellent use of 3D alone. But this is a story that does not demand the absolute peak out of a director: Disney could have slapped this together, and it would have still been enjoyable, if not nearly as magical, as Scorsese's interpretation.

Tree of Life is a tour de force in some ways, but fundamentally flawed in others. No one but Malick could have brought this story to screen, and the force of his personality shines through. But this is for both better and worse; just ask Sean Penn (plus, who wins an Oscar without Sean Penn's blessing? Nobody; that's who!)

No, this category has to go to Michel Hazah!-navicius for The Artist: simply the most ambitious, risky, and flawlessly executed film of the year. Not only does it take balls to sell a silent film in the 21st century, it takes serious execution: a bad moment on screen, one poorly formulated concept or idea, and the whole spectacle falls apart into silly camp or, worse, pretentious bullshit. I went into this film expecting a cute gimmick and a nostalgia-fest; instead, I got one of the most masterfully executed visions I've seen this decade. This was an extraordinarily difficult film to sell, to create, to execute, and to perfect, and at no point does it even become a question.

There really was no contest here; Hazanavicius takes this category, and it wasn't close.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Berenice Bejo in The Artist
Jessica Chastain in The Help
Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer in Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer in the Help

Whew. That last category got serious. Fortunately, I’ve only seen one of these films, so I can be much more snarky here. In fact, I’m disqualifying the one I did see; Berenice Bejo did was more than support that film, and her placement here is unfair to the rest. Most reasonable heads seem to agree Jessica Chastain’s performance in The Help was her fourth best of THE YEAR, so that’s just nonsense to see her here. Janet McTeer is clearly in the wrong category; she’s obviously playing a man in this film. So we’re down to Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer, and hell. This is the Academy. You know they’re playing the race card.

Octavia Spencer it is.

Best Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh in My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill in Moneyball
Nick Nolte in Warrior
Christopher Plummer in Beginners
Max von Sydow in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I’m just going to go ahead and say the last three split the old man vote (granted, a substantial Academy demographic) three ways and knocks them all out. So this comes down to Kenneth Branagh and Jonah Hill. I didn’t see either of these movies, so I’m going to quote my firend Tristan’s reaction to this.

“Maybe the dog. He’s certainly better than Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill. Oscar Nominees. Sign of the Apocalypse.”

Sounds like a ringing endorsement to me! Plus, he put on all that weight for the role. Academy loves physical commitment to the performance.

Best Actress
Glenn Close in Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis in The Help
Rooney Mara in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams in My Week With Marilyn

Did anyone but the Academy see Albert Nobbs? Jesus, I’m running out of snarky cross dressing jokes. Let’s see…what else do we have here? Meryl Streep…yawn. Viola Davis, no we’ve made our affirmative action hire already. Michelle Williams. *swoon* Still, none of this holds up to Rooney Mara, if for no other reason than I never imagined we’d have an Oscar nominated performance that revolved heavily around a dildo rape scene. Sorry Michelle. If you had just convinced the biographer to put in a section about Marilyn Monroe tying down JFK in the Lincoln bedroom and tattooing “I’M A RAPIST” across his chest, I’d have been all over it. Plus, history class would have been more interesting. Double points.

Actor in a Leading Role

Demian Bichir in A Better Life
George Clooney in The Descendants
Jean Dujardin in The Artist
Gary Oldman in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt in Moneyball

Funny to see Dujardin here. I didn’t remember him having any memorable lines. Clooney and Pitt have to split the heart throb vote here. Oldman or Bichir? As usual, I haven’t seen either of these films. IMDB tells me Bichir played Castro in Che. Communist. This is America!

Gary Oldman wins with the patriotism vote…for his role as an Englishman. And I guess he’s English too. So…I don’t know, don’t ask questions. AMERICA!

I know I said this was the last one, but I’m tired of snark. Tune in next week for the final Best Picture reveal, in which I find witty things to say about all 4,381 nominations.